dear r: i am leaving

dear r: i am leaving

dear r:

it doesn’t matter if i

love you or even if you

love me too.

we have no honestly left

between us and, where

there was once a sweet

blindness, now there is

only a darker guilt.

it doesn’t matter if i

love you or even if you

love me too. i am still

leaving.

Love,

JANEisnotplain 8.23.08

an explanation left on r’s pillow that morning which i am sure was discarded or never read.

dear r: 8.22.08

8.22.08


dear r :

our conversation tonite was forced and hesitant
buried beneath layers and layers of emotion
that we played with absent mindedly.

your words and actions no longer correlate.
you walk out of boredom, narrow hipped
and navigated by heart, the furniture giving
way to you like a crowd.

i watched you pace the room tonite trying to
think of something to say while my fingers itched
for something soft to touch, a place to leave some
proof of their existence.

JANEisnotplain 8.22.08


leaving back to the USA

dear r: 8.16.08

8.16.08


dear r:

it was just the two of us
our sex and our despair
all day (accompanied by
a few other pleasures, sins).

photographs and shots, just
bits of pretending to be okay
for moments at a time.

there was dancing and singing
there was food and music but
mostly, there were lots of things
under the surface that cannot
be explained or simplified
under the influence of anything
more than a certain pain that
mostly goes unspoken because
words are just too simple.

JANEisnotplain 8.16.08

on not making love, its over.

dear r: when you sing

dear r:

when you sing you
make me feel like
a child on the first day of school
all the pretenses and butterflies
and the words get stuck behind my teeth

when you sing you
make me want to write
to spill myself on a page in a barrage of colors and sounds
to sort through the cacophony
to find a harmony to match yours

when you sing you
leave me sleepless
searching for the perfect words
to answer the sounds
in your eyes



JANEisnotplain 8.14.08


when she sings HAND TO HAND

8.08.08: dear r

8.08.08: dear r


dear r:

its all in the perception right?
this thing that looks meaningless
and harmless from across the room.

but upon closer inspection i found,
captured in ink between the lines
on this wide rule notebook paper,
a life altering string of words written
in a hand unfamiliar to my eyes.

and now my jaw is working fervently
confronted with the sentiment of
my lover's lover, i ask why?

i cannot stay any longer.

love,

JANEisnotplain 8.08.08

on finding a love note to you from Vio.

dear r: 8.3.08

dear r:

i want to believe you
just don’t tell me that
distance is relative
as if my aching for you
were an invention

this space is not variable
eight thousand miles is
a long way to go and
i am not sure you’ll be there
to meet me once i arrive



JANEisnotplain 8.3.08