dear r: haunted

 

dear r: haunted

dear r:

how do i rid myself of

the aversion, the bitter

taste in my mouth?

how do the words

escape me? how

come i can’t seem

to cry?

how do i tell you that

you were a beautiful

mistake, the sum of

all my errors and faults?

how can i relate my

disappointment? or

share with you my

heartache and pain?

how is it that now,

though we are long

over, I still feel longing?

how do i say that i

can no longer love

you, though to my

dismay, sometimes

i still do.

love,

JANEisnotplain 11.4.2012

in response to a randomn communication 10.20.2012

dear r: true

dear r: true

 dear r:

it might have been better

if you wouldn’t have told

me that love wasn’t something for

those generic kerouacs but for the

silent [   ] deep inside of me

that if you were leaving it was

not because you thought my life

would be better without you

that love isn’t exclusive but

rather changes, as we do

and i wish you all the happiness

that is not mine to give

and i hope that your conclusion

of this greatest lie

isn’t what i have found

to be

true.

love,

JANEisnotplain 10.28.12

do not touch

dear r:

i remember walking

to the park to pick roses

the sign clearly read

“Do not touch”, but you

would say otherwise

and i would carry the

rose home carefully

in my hands and love

her, thorns and all.

Happy anniversary

Love,

JANEisnotplain 3.8.3012

dear r: used 10.27.11

dear r: used 10.27.11

Dear r,

You

used

to

Love

Me

well.

well,

You,

Me,

used

to

Love

to

Love

well,

You

used

Me

Love

You

well

Me

used

to

used

to

Love

You

well.

love,

JANEisnotplain 10.27.2011

dear r: happy anniversary, again

dear r: happy anniversary, again

dear r:

i remember you with

distant eyes and a sweetly

addictive smile. always

a trick up your sleeve and

a circus in your soul but

you were a magician with

your fingertips on my [  ].

you were a jester, often

mistaken for a queen, a

lesson-giver who took [  ]

without warning and who

sang everyone else’s song

just to soothe her own.

the lies you told were

infinite, like a snake that

ate itself, choked, and

expelled poison but, at

least it shed the truth.

.

you were cunning and i

was the fool. you played

my edges and i fell for

you with an open heart

and soft wet secret petals.

love,            JANEisnotplain

on our anniversary, 3 years later

dear r: realized

 dear r:

[  ] that you have forgotten me.

[at least i imagine so]

i hear the haunting click of the key

and your words come back,

their meaning finally understood.

love,

JANEisnotplain 1.21.11

dear r : still 9.15.10

dear r:  still

all the fires have gone out.

we have since returned to

our opposite corners where

we have remained silent. and

still everything in life goes on.

newly wed to our distance the 

days still become the cold dark.

and in this nothing, everything

that was still exists. the coming

chill, the approaching change.

the fact that i still love you but

i do not trust you.

some one else, some place else,

some thing to ease this  cooling

ache. i wish i could ignore [  ],

forget about [  ], but i did like

the parts of [  ] that hurt and

astonished me. a little.

i don’t know what i expected on

that first day i saw you but you

were just unforgettable then and

that is precisely the problem now

that and the fact that i still love

you but i do not trust you.

perhaps i am drowning in the

still-ness of it all. doesn’t it feel

like a new year? a blank un-lined

page full of words that we do not

say.. like i am still here.

love,      JANEisnotplain  9.15.10