UNTITLED 5.22.06

untitled 5.22.06

23.5.06

dear---

sometimes i draw this line
and i still don’t see it yet

i jump over it precariously
while leaving no footprints
in the sand

you cannot find grains ephemerally
you will not find time burned
into future glass

please just let me know you
vicariously

please just let me catch sweet somethings
in my hand



with love,

copyright JANEisnotplain 5/06

THISISYOUR-

thisyourour-

dear r,


this-
arrangement

this-
formation

this-
commitment

your –
agreement

your-
employment

your-
subjugation

his-
foundation

his-
governance

his-
involvement

our-
acquaintence

our-
attraction

our-
passion


this-
position

this-
appointment

this-


this really is too crowded.

love,

JANEisnotplain 3.04

on this polyamorous triangle i found myself in.

I KNOW WHY

I KNOW WHY



i know why you stay(ed)

not because you want(ed) to
but because there is/was this tug
of words not said
and love that was never given
to people not noticed but starved
in the hands of those
who didn’t deserve it
gorging themselves on something
except your kisses which
should not have been wasted
on turned, blushing cheeks

you stay(ed) because

you ache(d) to know that
you are needed for
hands, thoughts, desires
slipping into hearts and feelings
and the want in the middle of the nite
for the push, the pull
beneath sheets, between legs
that tells you that
you are loved

and yes,
i stay because
i know you

i am in love with you

copyright JANE’05

dear r 11.07

dear r,

i know i can make it through work without you. i know i am strong enough.
i know i can make it through life without you. but it would just be me breathing, waiting.
i don’t need you to keep my vitals going. i’ve made it this far.
but i really do need you for everything else, and, honestly,
i don’t think i could really live without you.
i know i can breathe alone
but to truly live, i know i cant.
i need you.

i love you.

JANEisnotplain 11.07



on the Macau news

DEAR R PROJECT 7.07

dear r,

i love the sounds
your breath makes as
vowels emerge from
under the bridge raising

[suspicion]
[volumes]
[stakes]

we make shapes
with our fingers
your hands found something
mine

i cant believe
this is where i am
i told myself i wouldn’t
be

i am proud of my barriers
and your strength
against them or through them
far enough in to
get a good picture

this love is a risk
who should move first?

your hands find something
mine
we are both here.

love,

JANEisnotplain 7.07

i.c.u.

i.c.u.


dear r,


i see
you see
me
clearly

look-
i see you
clearly
understand
me

even with
the lens in between

love,

copyright JANEisnotplain 3.07

a letter to





i said the word “soul.” but what i really meant was “empty.” we’re not so alone. love. because we over-medicate. and dance in circles around our fears.

what are you most afraid of? dying? falling? your own poorly molded definition. of what it really means to be alone?

what does it mean anyway? waking up every day to filtered sunlight. falling asleep to the tune of hating. everything because it failed you.

or did you fail yourself. and what do the cracks in the mirror suggest? a flaw in the design? but which design? the one you made for yourself? or the one created for the sake of structure?

structure. has never been your strong suit. or else you would have been an architect. not a painter or poet.

foundations crumble. under the weight of a. kiss and tell by the bathroom mirror. but what does it really mean? the morning after when held to the light?




copyright JANEisnotplain 12.06

DEAR R PROJECT: EYE SPEAK

5/2/07

eye speak



dear r,

sometimes words are not sufficient
vowels are too heavy
syllables are a hassle

you look into my eyes and
in the silence that envelopes the exchange
the slight change in atmosphere is
simply understood.


copyright JANEisnotplain

DEAR R PROJECT: I WANT

i want

dear r,

i want to lick the sunshine from your arms
while drinking a glass of sun with
artificial sweetener swirls
inside of my mixing emotions

i want to smile the way you do
with tints of golden yellow daisy petals
that water glide on belief, love, hope, serenity
and stick to reflections of eye

i want to walk in dry sandals
when the earth rotates its tears
skipping over the details and heading straight
to hopscotch drawings of chalk hearts

but i falter with every other step
forgetting how to tie my shoelaces
tripping on sidewalks covered in thorns
each cut bleeding me one more step
closer to illumination?


copyright JANEisnotplain 4.07


on discussing rhonda byrne's THE SECRET

DEAR R PROJECT: 1.22.07

dear r,

i want to graph so precisely
the topography of every word that
pours from your sleepy eyes
all the curves, dips, peaks that
form the geography of everything
you were, are, and plan to be

love,

copyright JANEisnotplain 1.22.07



dear r,

behind every friday/saturday nite
there is me waiting for you and
you waiting for me and us waiting
for {sun}day to hurry and take over
so that waiting turns into
seeing, smelling, tasting, feeling
and into wishing {sun}day would
stay longer

love,

copyright JANEisnotplain 1.22.07

DEAR R PROJECT: 1.20.06

1.20.07

dear r,

when you laugh your eyes turn into
two commas that demand pauses
from my four chambers that
feed every vein, artery, capillary that
travels through my chest, arm, wrist and
diffuses into your wrist arm, chest until
everything zooms back in a rush
to my head so fast that i feel
faint in the eyes of love


love,

copyright JANEisnotplain 1.20.07

DEAR R PROJECT: 12.24.06

12.24.06

dear r,

i found between the sheets./ an emotion so deep. /uncovered. / drawn out like a prize winning sketch./ with perfectly sculpted hands./ holding back years worth of doubt. / this barrier unknowingly broken. /and as the pieces fell to the floor. /. /. i moaned

DEAR R PROJECT: UNTITILED 12.17.06

dear r,

the hardest phrases use the shortest words.
they tie up my tongue with such delicately strong fingers
that it doesn’t even hurt when i speak.
and i am just a jumbled catastrophe,
warbling like a bird. you should just leave me
right where i stand with the sun on my shoulder
like the warmth of embarrassment
and all because i would like to say
i love you.



copyright JANEisnotplain 12.17.06

DEAR R PROJECT: SOLID

solid

dear r,

sometimes i see you when i’m not even looking.
sometimes i imagine i am wearing you in my running shoes
and we are kissing the pavement together
because we have landed on solid ground.

copyright JANEisnotplain ’12.06

DEAR R PROJECT: I WANT YOU

i want you


dear r,


i want you
(to narrate)
[my waking]

i want you
(to narrate)
[my breaths]


i want you
(to narrate)
[my coffee]


i want you
(to narrate)
[my mornings]

i want you
(to narrate)
[my breakfast]

i want you
(to narrate)
[my laughs]

i want you
(to narrate)
[my shower]

i want you
(to narrate)
[my dressing]

i want you
(to narrate)
[my song]

i want you
(to narrate)
[my dreams]

i want you to-

i choose you to-
i choose you-

too.


copyright JANEisnotplain 11.06

DEAR R PROJECT: PARTS

PARTS


dear r,


you found me

the part of me
that i know little about
that can speak to you

the part of me
that you want
that seems to know who i am

the part of me
that will challenge who i was
that who that i will become

the part of me
that i can be proud of
that i want to be yours

that part of me
that
wants
you


love,

copyright JANEisnotplain 11.06

DEAR R PROJECT: STRAWBERRY KISSES FOR R

strawberry kisses for r


dear r,

i feel like there is a roadblock in my head
like the words are on the other side
but i can’t get close enough to see what they say
because of the blurry lights and bright sounds

but don’t worry sweetheart
the patience that i wear today
like my favorite old t-shirt that’s
worn at the neck line from repeated use
will keep us safe from the cold

i hope that the smile that
just got lost in the camera flash
was one of comfort and understanding
because the kiss that i’m about to offer
will taste like strawberry flavored water

love,

copyright JANEisnotplain 8/06

DEAR R PROJECT: 11.8.06

untitled 11.8.06

dear r,

kiss me. press your lips up against my wall.
hold my wrists. pin me. hold me.
tell me i’ll get what’s good for me.
and then look into my eyes.
and sing to me.
and kill me.
let me die.
but never let me go.





copyright JANEisnotplain 11/06

DEAR R PROJECT: SURPRISE

surprise

dear r,


i wasn’t always looking, you know
i didn’t always know the way
your hands would feel holding mine
i wasn’t always searching for your lips
i cant justify how i managed to find
what i didn’t even think could be real
i don’t how i knew that
it is your fingertips i need
like destiny against my skin
but even if i wasn’t looking,
and i know i wasn’t
i’m glad i found you

JANEisnotplain’06

DEAR R PROJECT: UNTITLED 5.20.05

untitled 5/20/05

dear r,

this early morning
i showered with the light off
because it reminded me of you
loving me

you’re eating my soul, darling
and i’m taking polaroids of poetry
like a clumsy tourist
with front row seats
to my own fall

i love you

DEAR R PROJECT: UNTITLED 11.18.05

untitled 11.18.05

dear r,

we collide like butterflies on a roller coaster of chocolate goodness as
tipsy breaths tumble down windshields like smudge prints finger love
and you're so beautiful, so soft, so smooth like the inside of a magazine cover
i could listen under adoration infinite
i want to be intricate with you
so i'm on tip toes to be yours

copyright JANE’05

DEAR R PROJECT: I KNOW WHY

dear r,

i know why you stay(ed)

not because you want(ed) to
but because there is/was this tug
of words not said
and love that was never given
to people not noticed but starved
in the hands of those
who didn’t deserve it
gorging themselves on something
except your kisses which
should not have been wasted
on turned, blushing cheeks

you stay(ed) because

you ache(d) to know that
you are needed for
hands, thoughts, desires
slipping into hearts and feelings
and the want in the middle of the nite
for the push, the pull
beneath sheets, between legs
that tells you that
you are loved

and yes,
i stay because
i know you

i am in love with you

copyright JANEisnotplain 2005

DEAR R PROJECT: I'M SORRY

i’m sorry


dear r,

2 words. 7 letters.
a tagalong apostrophe
doesn’t really say much
it’s a design in stupidity
hindsight: 20/20
judgment: 20/60 at best
reality: 20 with really really good intentions
but now, past is past
by the time you receive this
yesterday will be yesterday
sitting here in the loud hum of regret.


copyright JANEisnotplain 2005

DEAR R PROJECT: IT OCCURS TO ME

it occurs to me:

dear r,

i take your hand, just a finger
touch it to a slip of velvet
from your vulnerable bag

i listen for an audible whisper
the kiss and swish in the eardrum of your fingertip
i know i am right even before
the lines in your forehead release
and it occurs to me

i’ve won your presence, at least for a time
until probably you will grimace again
maybe desperate to unbend
a straight sheet of notebook paper
or unable to pull apart red lines

but for now its love
and it occurs to me
i’ve begun to believe in heaven-ly
lips i part placidly
perched and pursed in
perfect preface to paradise
exposing forgiveness by name

and it occurs to me
i love you


copy write JANEisnotplain 2004

DEAR R PROJECT: SORRY

sorry

dear r,

i want to tell you i am sorry

not because i didn’t intend to
tell you these paper mache thoughts
in streaming sexual varicose voices
their rich palate creeping forward on lascivious tongue

its not that

this is not a poem
its not a foreplay of words
or the clever scheming of diagrammed verbs

this is to tell you that
i’m sometimes puerile and reckless
i’m sometimes careless in thought
but i could not disrespect intimate action

i am sorry

copyright JANEisnotplain 2004

DEAR R PROJECT: THIS-

dear r,

this-
arrangement

this-
formation

this-
commitment


your –
agreement

your-
employment

your-
subjugation


his-
foundation

his-
governance

his-
involvement


our-
acquaintence

our-
attraction

our-
passion


this-
position

this-
appointment

this-



this really is too crowded.

Copyright JANEisnotplain 3.04