she called me

she called me

she called me baby,

lover, jane, sweet t

with a joint in one

hand grace in the

other she whispered

cavalier fairy tales

into my longing ears.

she caught me tongue

tied, rapt, starry eyed,

with a pen in one hand,

glory in the other, i ate

her sickly angel food

while she painted on

me indelible lines.

she called me the fuel

for her fire but with a

knife in one hand and

my heart in the other,

she drank my love and

sang her misplaced blues

over my lifeless body.

she called me baby,

lover, jane, sweet t,

but i don’t call her

anymore.

JANEisnotplain 4.11.10

dear r 1.2.10

dear r,

yes i miss you.

everyday usually

at some point or

another i miss you

so much i want us

you back but you

and i were not meant

to be forever, at least

love,

JANEisnotplain 1.2.10

dear r: one year later

dear r: one year later

dear r:

there was an instinct
to help you and to
pull you through to
let you seep into
my heart and stay.

but now i exhale to
push you away to
separate our pieces
to let go of an
enourmous and harming
love to be able to
inhale freely.

things fall apart so
that other things can
fall together and i
am ready to live.

love,

JANEisnotplain 8.22.09

exactly 1 year to the date after i left r.

dear r: but

dear r: but

dear r :

she held my hand.
she opened the car door for me.
she laughed hysterically with me.
she kept the conversation interesting.
she paid for my dinner in an overpriced restaurant.
she took me home tipsy.
she gave me three very delicate kisses.
she did everything perfectly.

but she isn’t you.

you would leave me empty handed.
you would never open my door.
you wouldn’t have laughed like that.
you would’ve had me pick up the tab.
you would’ve had me out all night.

but…

you would have kissed me with ferocity
that i can still feel eight months later.

i don’t miss you now.
i miss you then.

you were my art.
now your absence is.


JANEisnotplain 5.16.09


on more than just a date.

dear r: addiction

addiction


dear r / addiction:

fuck the inside of my
nervous system. strained.

i want to be so happy that
the windows blur my cornea.

i want to fall asleep in
someone else’s living room.

someone who doesn’t take
me for granted.

i don’t need you.
and i will prove it.

love,

JANEisnotplain 5.09

dear r: ends

dear r: ends

dear r:

i let you hurt me
from the inside out
but now i am seeing
the end of things and
i am beginning things
knowing their end.

i love my own self
with a despair that
astonishes these
pale wrists that
move over this
yellowed page.

i am no longer
fractured ,fragile
or easily loved.

here the ground
everywhere is
decadent with
rose petals.

isn’t that what you
wanted to hear?

i am sorry to dis-
appoint you but
i will not let you
hurt me ever again.

love,

JANEisnotplain 5.09

dear r : playing

dear r : playing


are you finished playing games yet?
do you think you are the only one
who knows how or notices now
that players are shifting places?

perhaps i orchestrated this
entire scene you’re living in
and you only think you are
in control.

maybe your game is a
subset of mine and only
i have the secret code.

but you may never know
because you are too busy
playing.

happy april fool's day...

JANEisnotplain 3.31.09