dear r: just a phase

dear r: just a phase


dear r:

do you want to know
what it was like when i left you?

at first it was way too quiet and
i did nothing but read and write
and i spent most of my time
falling down stairs of words
but this was just a phase

there was mourning, there was grief
there was pain and i told the moon
or whomever would listen to just
leave me alone but
this was just a phase

do you want me to say i was
bleeding on the bathroom floor?
do you want me to say i was
holes and dents in furniture?
do you want me to say i was
just evaporating ?

i am not where i belong but
i will get over this wreckage
its just a phase


JANEisnotplain 2.09

2.24.09

2.24.09

dear r:


so far life has just meant that
if i am cut i will be healed and
it will happen a thousand times

but with you it has been
vodka mixed with punch
my lips on the rim taking
slow sips with salt licks
because i trusted you and

that will only happen once


copyright JANEisnotplain 2.09

dear r,

i was too deep; stuck upside down
inside this wound rooted to earth
by your stubborn eyes pulling me
away like a silly dream.

i hung from your manipulative fingertips
my arms over stretching
no grip.
slide.
erased.

it’s not that i don’t miss
your eyes your face your voice
its the fact that i no longer want
to feel their stained residue
on my clean skin

but every time i start to heal i/you
pick at the scab. i bleed. i dig
deeper. my fingers weep over
hands misplaced around my
heart

wouldn’t that be ironic if i
choked on a full heart that
refused to be broken?

JANEisnotplain 2.09

STAIN

stain

you never think of
the fruit of a rose
the flower is too dark
and wonderful and you
forget its only a prelude.

rose hips stain the snow
now,like blood splatter and
you should be warned that
her kiss will leave toxins
soaking in your skin.


JANEisnotplain 2.09

dear r: half-glad

dear r: half-glad


dear r:

this morning means : i am alone.
i on one side of the world, you
and her inches or forever away

how fragile everything seems when i am alone
sitting on my bed leaning onto the page and thinking
about how last december our footprints gave the snow
a history which remained until we/they disappeared.

what matters now is how the windows
cut the sky into different squares of light
as i am lying on the couch half-sick, half-glad.

JANEisnotplain 12.31.08

dear r: 12.9.08

12.9.08


dear r:

our fingers intertwined across the miles
you breathed hot on my cheek,
your smile waning.

you ate apples and let the
cores fall at your feet
you saw tears in my eyes and
you reflected them in yours

my eyes are dark but
your memory still hangs about
my silhouette like sharp laughter


JANEisnotplain 12.9.08

dear r: mistakes

dear r :mistakes



dear r:


i made several mistakes.
some of the music slipped.


JANEisnotplain 12.09.08