dear r: mistakes

dear r :mistakes



dear r:


i made several mistakes.
some of the music slipped.


JANEisnotplain 12.09.08

dear r: adjusting

dear r: adjusting

dear r:

clouds and sun,
wind and rain.
i am slowly adjusting.
there is so much to gain.

JANEisnotplain 12.06.08

dear r: 12.04.08

dear r: 12.04.08


dear r,

on an impulse i
gave you my heart
knowing you might
tear it apart.

i felt pain creeping
long before this but
i needed a new life,
a sort of liberation.

it will take time but
soon i will heal and
you will be all but
a memory.

JANEisnotplain 12.4.08

dear r: this is all there is left

this is all there is left

dear r:

many things begin with sex
and i understand that we might
never value love in the same way

loving you was
not something i learned
it was just something i knew

and you extracted a
concentrated love from my heart
to emolliate the collapse of
your failed heart beat

you seized my heart
with open hands and
called me a benefactor

always approaching
never arriving but
orphic and precarious

this is all there is left
now, two pages of words
and some burnt images
in my mind you
chose to fly away

my heart bleeds while
time ticks away
this is all there is left
and i am done with it

i want you to pause the
cogs and gears inside
your mechanical heart

to reflect on what
has been given : a
philanthropic bandage
on a wounded lonely heart

i continue my life
i survive



JANEisnotplain 11.1.08

VALEDICTION

Valediction

dear r:

there are mornings i dive deep beneath my consciousness
and hammer until solid at things that i will say when
i catch you unguarded and surrendering to my presence
[ as i surrendered to you].

hypothetically, this moment is ours
but if i approach you from inside
[as you approached me]
with my hands around your neck
[as yours were around mine]
and lean in to allow the light to reflect from
my eyes will reflect in yours.
cheek bones in slow contact,
brushing you with trepidation
[“so close, but how?”]

valediction.

i have nothing to say.
i have only to remind you
that you were never up to me.


copyright JANEisnotplain 10.08

dear r: untitled 9.08

untitled 9.08



dear r:

i know how this works and
the lies people say to keep one
around somehow, anyway

you gave mixed messages and
played clever, unscrupulous.
it must be terribly flattering for you
when people fall fast for your
false love’s hope one day and
then later you decide you need
the actual condition of self-
imprisonment, exile, isolation

perhaps a clean break needs to be made.
i abdicate. i elect for acquittal.
this relationship is a door we need to shut,
to lock for a while?
we’ve both been hurt and
we suffer an exile that
you’ve come to enjoy.

but its not what i really want.
i can’t seem to stop loving you.


copyright JANEisnotplain 9.08

dear r: i am leaving

dear r: i am leaving

dear r:

it doesn’t matter if i

love you or even if you

love me too.

we have no honestly left

between us and, where

there was once a sweet

blindness, now there is

only a darker guilt.

it doesn’t matter if i

love you or even if you

love me too. i am still

leaving.

Love,

JANEisnotplain 8.23.08

an explanation left on r’s pillow that morning which i am sure was discarded or never read.